One Man's Story

This is an amazing testimony from Dave Cox.

NOTE - When I posted this yesterday, I had a million thoughts running through my mind, but didn't know exactly what to say. I still don't know what to say, but I feel I should clarify one thing - Dave did not ask me to post this. Dave Cox was my church's pastor. Many friends from church may be checking this out just to see Dave, and I want to encourage you to do just that. He talks about you, and it meant something to me to hear it. I received this video via email from a friend. I have not talked to Dave in almost two years, so the video appearing here is not self-serving on Dave's part. The abuse in his childhood is no excuse for the poor decisions he made - and he's careful to point that out. But there is no denying that the abuse left a gaping hole in his life that he tried filling with various things over a period of many years. The results were devastating to thousands of people, many of whom are still dealing with it today. I see a lot of my own life in Dave's story and think many other survivors will too. Again, Dave made the poor decisions, but the initial void was caused by one person's sin of child sexual abuse... and that sin reached into the lives of many in our community.

Part 1:
http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=e52ed0b7cbe2e4a426fe

Part 2:
http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=7bb616c404f121a083ac

There are several LifeLines (support groups) at our church for hurting people.

Victory Over Sexual Abuse (women only) will begin meeting next Thursday, Jan. 22 in Overland Park, KS and Lenexa, KS.

Victory Over Sexual Sin (addiction to pornography, etc. - women only) begins tonight in Lenexa, KS.

One-on-one counseling is also available!

Email victoryoversexualabuse@live.com for information about any of these ministries.

Male survivors

At the risk of being socially and politically incorrect, I want to say a few things about male survivors. I feel as if society treats sexual abuse differently, depending on the victim's gender. Take the recent stories you've heard on the news of female teachers having relationships with male students. That is abuse, but many times society is sending the wrong message to those young boys. I can't tell you how many times I've heard an older man chuckle about how he wishes he'd had a teacher like that. Or how a boy must be gay if he doesn't want to have sexual relations with a grown woman. And I can only imagine how many boys have questioned their own sexuality after having been abused by a man, thinking something along the lines of, "I must be gay if Coach Bob is doing this to me."

There seems to be more freedom for a female victim to talk about sexual abuse - less judgment, less shame, less disbelief. Although, all of those are reasons why victims both male and female do not report, and ALL unreported crimes are a tragedy. I'm just saying that it seems like it is even harder for a male to talk about such things.

My husband has had very little go wrong in his life, certainly no history of any kind of abuse or maltreatment. That said, I know the burden he carries everyday in being the provider and leader of our household. That is the way God designed family and my husband takes it seriously. He constantly strives to keep a good balance of fun, love and tenderness with the kids, while also being consistent with training and discipline. He's the one who's in charge of our finances, paying the bills and working outside the home. He sets aside alone time for just the two of us, keeping our marriage about us and not merely revolving around the kids and work. He's involved in our church and serving the Lord. None of this is easy for him (or anyone, for that matter). But, I cannot imagine how much harder it would be if he were also carrying around the shame and isolation of sexual abuse because there aren't many safe places for a man to talk about it.

I want to encourage everyone to be mindful of your attitudes towards sex, and the words that come out of your mouth. You never know when a survivor may be sitting beside you, looking for a soft place to land. It could certainly be very uncomfortable if your buddy turns to you and unexpectedly tells you that he was sexually abused as a child, but your friend needs you. He chose to tell you because you're trustworthy. So, friend, honor that and give him the support he needs.

Guys, there is no shame in what has happened to you. You are not at fault, you are not to blame, you do not have to be defined by this. This is someone else's sin, for which THEY should be ashamed! Be encouraged to find a counselor or friend and begin processing through the pain.