Wednesday, April 4, 2012

To Mom, with love

I know I said that I was done posting here, but an unexpected thing happened.  My mother passed away.  It reminds me very much of another sexual abuse survivor that I met through this blog.  I keep thinking of her, and thanking God for placing her in my life.  For her vulnerable sharing, and my marveling at her healing and restoration journey with her mother in the final months of her mother's life.  How unbelievably similar our stories are.

My brother, sister and I had the honor of eulogizing our mother one week ago today...  I share this with you in celebration, as the journey we shared in the final two years was one I'd once believed was hopeless and impossible. 

"What is impossible for people is possible with God."  Luke 18:27.  So grateful for a loving God who can make the impossible, unimaginable, hopeless things happen.


There are countless stories to share about our mother.  Just about everyone she knew has talked with us about how quickly Mom could throw together a meal, and fry chicken like no one else.  On Sunday, Tonya reached for a bowl at Shanna’s, and the one she grabbed was chipped.  Tonya reached for another, and it was chipped too.  Shanna laughed out loud and said, “Those were Mom’s dishes.”  We’re pretty sure Mom never had a full set of unblemished dishes for more than a week.  She was a little clutzy…  Mom loved parties, adventure, music, old movies, traveling, and the outdoors.  We have so many fond memories of roller skating, riding bikes, scouting, swimming, fishing and picnicking with our mom.  And Antioch Park will always be “our” place.

But more than all of these wonderful times together, Mom gave us an even greater gift. 

It is no secret that Mom’s life had its fair share of pain and turmoil, but we are so proud of how hard she worked in her final years to mend her heart and reconcile relationships with each of her children.  In the last couple of years, Mom made every effort to live intentionally; really taking the time to know each of her children – not just as her children, but as the adults we’d become – and allowing love to be a verb and not just a feeling.  She’d learned how to give of her time and her heart unselfishly, rising to the occasion and mothering her children in ways we’d previously not dared dream of.  She patiently sat through as many difficult discussions as we’d needed, genuinely taking the time to make amends … and allowing us to do the same. 

As her children, our constant hope and prayer was that Mom would arrive at a place of genuine happiness, belonging and peace.  In the end, she found just that!  While her physical body was failing her over the last couple of years, Mom’s heart and emotional well-being was better than ever.  She was surrounded by her children, grandchildren, and Michael.  She delighted in those around her.  She loved well, and was well-loved. 

The reconciliation of our family is a precious gift, and we are overwhelmingly grateful to Mom for being so bold, so brave, and so humble in order that we could become the family we’d hoped for.  The Lord moved in Mom's life – in OUR lives – in mighty ways … and He continues to do so even as we speak and cling to one another.

While our time has been cut short, we will forever cherish every moment we had with Mom.  She will be deeply missed


Rhonda said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my prayers sweety. Hang in there and STAY STRONG! ~Rhonda

nwt author said...


thank you for your blog...very much...

I am male, sexual abused by both my parents from 4-16. The issue of the sexual abuse of men, especial by their parents if not a 'dinner conversation' as a society we are prepared to have. The work deals with the effects of sexual abuse and pornography on men and subsequently there wives and children.

I have released an abridged version of the book at

If you have time, i would appreciate your feedback, if your interested in the project, your support.

my email is:


SexOffenderUpdates said...


I sent you a message at your facebook account.

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