Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The pain is the same

I often hear things along these lines...  "My childhood abuse was so horrendous, no one can relate to me" or "I was only abused a couple of times - nothing like his/her lifetime of abuse - I feel ashamed for making my abuse such a big deal.  I don't have the right to be in the same group with him/her!"

In both cases, we are isolating and even shaming ourselves.

Don't be fooled, friends.  That is not God talking!  He does not operate through guilt, shame or isolation.

The pain of sexual abuse is the same and we are all equally deserving of recovery!  No two people will share the exact same story or experiences, but the wounds are the same.  The girl who was raped repeatedly by her father shares the exact same violation to her heart as the boy who was fondled by a neighbor.

Some of us have more areas of violation than others.  It is undoubtedly an added tragedy when abuse happens at the hands of a family member, or when people turn a blind eye to abuse and allow it to happen.  It is crushing when responsible adults choose to silence a victim, rather than advocate for justice and support their healing journey.  And certainly grave circumstances like abductions or ritual abuse is unthinkable.  There are countless acts that compound the pain of sexual abuse; and these violations absolutely add another layer of wounding.  But hear me on this - it does not diminish what anyone else has been through, nor does it separate us one from the other.  We are all survivors of sexual abuse and that pain is the same. 

Satan works through shame and guilt.  He will tell you that you are undeserving of counseling / a support group / even your pain because "It could have been so much worse... Compared to someone else, you really didn't suffer all that much... You have so much to be grateful for, why are you focused on something that happened 30 years ago?"  Satan wants you to be stuck, alone, feeling miserable.

Don't guilt, shame or isolate yourself any longer.  The details of abuse are not the issue - the state of your heart is.  Embrace that truth and take the bold step of walking into recovery.  You deserve it!


Lily said...

What a wonderful post. I would imagine every person struggles with this as much as I do.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you brought that up because I have had thoughts like the ones you described. I know of people whose abuse was far worse than mine, and I know of people whose abuse was less severe. We each had different experiences, and we each were endowed by God with different raw materials for coping with what happened. No two experiences can be alike because of the unique mixture of pain and personality, but there is a definite similarity in the negative results of shame, insecurity and fear. The solution is the same, too: only Jesus can fully heal the damage.

Colleen said...

Amen. Great post.

Anonymous said...

YOU ARE ALL BRAINWASHED IF YOU THINK GOD IS YOUR SAVIOR! SERIOUSLY you think he helped you out.... if he did then why did he let RAPE happen??????