Reader's email:
I just read your post about Tamar. I have always wondered why God allowed that to happen.
My response:
Many people wonder why God allows bad things to happen... I believe that it's not so much that He allows bad things to happen, but that He allows all people the freedom to choose what they're going to do with their lives. His desire more than anything is for us to love Him, and second to love one another. But it must be a choice, otherwise we're all just robots that He controls. With the ability to choose to love Him (and others), we have the ability to reject Him (and others). It is through the human's rejection that others are so frequently hurt.
My parents chose to reject God... and me. As a child, I prayed earnestly that God would make my parents stop abusing me. But MAKING them stop would have been controlling. He is not a God who wants to control us. He wants us to love him so deeply that we choose to obey and respect Him. If my parents had made that decision, they never would have laid an evil hand on me.
It is true that not one person who lived in my home cared about my safety and well-being. In fact, no one in my extended family cared either. However, God placed many loving and trustworthy people in my life over the years. While my parents sinned against Him and against me, the Lord still provided for my needs. And, time and again, I see the amazing glory that He brings from the abuse I endured. I absolutely do not believe that it was God's will for me to be abused (or for Tamar to be raped), but I know that He can bring some serious beauty from ashes.
I believe with all my heart that God wanted for my parents to love Him and to love me. I believe the bottom line is that God does not force His will onto us (my parents, Tamar's brother, etc.). I believe that His will was absolutely to answer each of my prayers but He allows us free will in order that we will choose to love Him. Choosing to love him is what leads to truly loving one another.
"To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory." Isaiah 61:3
21 comments:
I am 61 and have decided to get back into therapy. My father sexually abused between the ages of about 5 through 11 and it was practically every night. I am the eldest of six and no one wants to talk about this subject or believe that it happen. By the way he also abandoned us when I was about 12 and currently lives in Columbia. Also, I was born with a cleft palate and hsd four surgeries when I was a child.My peers would redicule me. My mother did not protect me. Don't even know if she knew about the abuse. Everyone in the house knew about the physical abuse I suffered from the hands of my father. I am having great difficulty with understanding how God could have allowed this abuse. I read your intellectual explanation which i have heard before regarding free will. I believe in free will but if I witnessed one of my daughters being abused do you think I would stand still?
Anonymous, with the free will your father had and the free will your mother and siblings have...it's understandible that you feel you were not protected by your mother and especially because no1 wants to talk about it. years later now some ppl rather leave what's in the past in the past, but to the person affected you need that release! you said you dont know if she knew about the abuse , can someone really be blamed for something they were'nt aware of? I struggled with this for years as I felt my mother was'nt there for me when I was abused and raped. i have had to let go of that hurt and anger and forgive her and myself. self forgiveness is so important. I wish you all the luck and gods blessings on you as you try and mend the brokeness you feel inside.
Well my father molested me after he became a christian, explain that one
Dear Anonymous
I'm glad you responded, have a look around you. Are there any christians? Are they perfect? I would guess no. Someone can call themselves christian, born again, saved, whatever. God does'nt physically sit next to this person and says dont do that, dont do this. I would guess your father probably called himself christian because he went to church, but was not an active christian or lived in a stern christian manner which varies by family, religion and habits. I could be wrong. The point is God invited us to live freely, by giving us free will. Jesus died for us. Allot of hypocrits say "so he died for my sins so i'm automatically forgiven" No we must ask for forgiveness and God knows our hearts and if we are not genuine, he knows.
I really hope I am getting through to you somehow.
Being angry and bitter is so normal, and you feel cheated in life. But you have survived! now at 61 you have achieved a full life. But you are not right inside, you are not at peace. You need to ask God to help you forgive yourself and your family. It's the hardest thing to do, and it hurts, but forgiveness sets you free. and you have to keep forgiving cos we are human and past hurts haunt us.
I hope you can be free from this monster haunting you.
You are welcome to communicate with me seperately as this blog is closed.
fleur@wwministries.co.za
Free will?
I used to believe that. But seriously, whatever happened to God's power to protect his own children? Why should I trust God again with my life if he can't ( or worse, wouldn't) protect me against such awful crimes. I do understand that God can let hard circumstances happen to strengthen us. But I live my entire life suffering depression, zero self confidence and lack of ability to make any decisions. I was never able to enjoy basic life like everybody else because icky distorted psychology thanks to that child molestation experience. I think God has violated his own rules. When devil asked God each time before he tests Job, God allowed him everything as long as he doesn't touch his soul. With me, God allowed my soul to be tortured with extreme depression and self humiliation and unworthiness. Why should I trust God again with my life? Seriously, what difference would it make if anybody with free will planning to torture me will torture me because God will not protect me because he respects free will????!!
Hi Anonymous
at which point did you stop believing? you were molested as a child.....you are now in your 60's. You are alive and you have survived you should look around you and see the facts, the statistics, when someone is abused, raped, killed, hijacked, robbed it's all because of people and their hearts and minds, car accidents......you are not alone in your anger and your hurt. depression, low self confidence etc is common symptoms or traits of a previously abused person. I tried talking to my mother about my abuse and my rape but she would'nt acknowledge it. I will frustrate myself more by trying to change her ways and listen to me and admit that she knew.
it is considered as blasphemy what you are doing now , questioning God and he's integrity, and you should ask for forgiveness- that's my advice - use it, dont use it. I am almost certain you have not spoken to god about how you feel and waited on him. the only way to do this is to Fast and Pray earnestly and you will hear from God. You might not get words back.....but I do believe you will have a sense of peace and a "knowing" that you are loved and protected by god. I do apologise for the delay in my responses. The Blogger account is closed and the ministry email address is discontinued. I cant leave any more details publicly without putting myself in danger. Peace be with you.
Anonymous, hi: I'm a single male who was serially molested by a "loving" relative. I completely understand your statements about having "great difficulty with understanding how God could have allowed this abuse." Forgive those who reply saying it's "free will" they DO NOT UNDERSTAND! As our Lord Jesus Christ says, "they know NOT what they speak." All their intellectual explanations amount to nothing! God, for some mysterious reason, forsakes some of us: even if we've accepted His Only Begotten Son as our Savior. I entirely agree with your assessment: " I do understand that God can let hard circumstances happen to strengthen us. But I live my entire life suffering depression, zero self confidence and lack of ability to make any decisions. I was never able to enjoy basic life like everybody else because icky distorted psychology thanks to that child molestation experience. I think God has violated his own rules." I thank you for your honesty because I relate! I agree, "God allowed my soul to be tortured with extreme depression and self humiliation and unworthiness." I have lived with shame since my teens and am now in my 50's, but I differ with you when you ask, "Why should I trust God again with my life?" I don't have the answer to that, I just know that according to His Written Word, I believe in His promises and one day in heaven in the presence of our Almighty LORD you and I will NEVER AGAIN suffer shame for having been molested ~ "Your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked." Luke 6:35b
This is such a difficult subject to talk about. What happens when precious children are so hurt and violated. While the freewill explaination is true, it doesn't really answer the deep pain. Jesus Christ is a high priest that is touched with the feelings of our infirmities. He can heal the most severe wounds. The most difficult part will be coming to Him in faith and trusting Him in all circumstances. We must trust Him through the awful things and the abundantly good things. There will be a day of reckoning and none of us, believers or not, have nor will get away with anything.
I often struggle with wondering why babies with a heartbeat and who can feel pain are allowed to be butchered, that is the best word, in their mothers womb. Its call choice. Its also murder. The choice and murder are both wrong but God doesnt intervene in the way many think He should.
I have to reaffirm my full trust in how God will ultimately deal with evil in the lives of the evildoers and victims. Based on His Word i know He will make it all right.
Hi Anonymous,
It extremely pains me whenever I hear a child/baby being abused..i think no one can understand how painful it feels..im not a victim but I have a lot of compassion and I often tell god to take my life so he can save or stop child abuse..i have a child of my own and it makes me more sad to hear about sad stories and feeling powerless about is the most frustrating thing..i was seeking for answers why would god allows this..i once told my mum that I can see myself killing those evil people who dare abusing a child and she replied that I would be just like them, a murderer.. and even when they get caught they don't get executed, they get some years in prison only to come out and repeat the same thing..so what justice is there in that..i don't know what happen after life but I think once you're dead you can feel pain right so being alive is only time you will feel pain etc..so if those evil people stayed alive chances of them suffering is higher than if they were dead..i also think that they must be suffering from 'something' for them to cause pain and suffering to another person in the first place..i don't know but all I know is that when judgement day come if I ever meet god I will have some serious questions to ask him..
I wish you well and hopefully you can find peace and closure...
God is just like a neighbor who hears a man raping a child and does nothing. I have nothing but contempt and disgust for anyone who lets suffering like that go on. I spit on God completely. Would I only have the power to give it one tenth the pain I went through growing up.
hi everyone: I have been reading a lot of the comments and concerns. I was abused as a young girl by my grandfather. I started asking God why he would allow children to be raped and murdered. I ended up here somehow. The Lord has shown me several things. 1. free will is in the midst of these answers. I too was not always a nice person but even as a born again Christian I have to choose daily will I obey the lords Word or will I do my will. God's will is better no matter what. I am evil and a wretched person without the mind and heart of Christ. The other thing God showed me is the numerous times my mother, child and brother in Christ were in trouble. I prayed crying out for each of them and God did intervene. I came to the conclusion that if people do not pray and cry out to God on behalf of others there is no interceding. if we are close to God friends, if you will he will wake us up out of a sound sleep to pray for someone. I have had my doubts just like everyone else but I have seen the hand of God intervene when I am in a close, seeking relationship with God. We can only blame ourselves. do we pray as parents for our children? do we cover them in the blood of Jesus Christ, do we lift them up to the Lord? do we trust God Have we obeyed God and been born again of his, blood, water and spirit and after all of this do we live a Holy life. He blesses his saints and their seed. Let's stop questioning God and start seeking him.
Dear anyone willing to read this,
I'm a 25 year old woman whose simply lost in my self destruction as a result of being another little girl with "daddy issues." I don't want to fully explain all the events that occurred because I could take up so much space. But I will say, my father was the first to break my heart. And since the day he left my family, I've only gone searching for a savior. Someone to love me enough, to be strong enough, when I'm jusr mentally so weak. But where other men I looked to as fathers hurt me, where I've exhausted lovers to step in and save me, all and every one has failed me. Leading to alcohol and substance abuse to numb my pain, drugs were the only thing I had to turn to. They stood by my side. Ultimately bringing me down more then helping me, I'm still searching for someone or something to fill my void. And I refused to pray or go to church because gods much to busy to hear my prayers, and when I get to church I simply have the urge to break down and cry. I've held a grudge against god for so long, and always thought refused to give him my problems because j should be able to fix them. But Im self destructive, and I cant find the strength in me anymore. I'm going to read a book called "the shack." A book about a man eho spends a weekend with god in the shack that his father used to be abuse him in, after recently enduring the loss of his daughter who was kidnapped and murdered. Im very scared to read the book, because im afraid Ill find the answers I've ling searched for. What if i dont like my answers? I know what im looking for, i know ive been with hurt with god. But ive wasted years battling addictions of all sorts and settled on being someones "whore" when all i want is for someone to love me enough to save me from myself, my pain and the feeling of failure. People have asked, "why would you turn to god for answers or help?" Well, ive wasted time trying everything and everyone else. Tell me, what do i seriously have to lose if this should fail on me too?
HI there 25yr old anonymous. you know the fact that you went searching means god is calling you back to him. he see's your pain, your tears everything.
The crying thing in church needs to happen, dont worry about the people around you, just let go and let god. He can heal you from the inside out, he can love you if you let him. I was once like you, suffering addiction and abuse mainly caused by myself to myself.
apart from "the shack" which i feel you will still watch anyway to have a good cry from all the relating you will feel and the brokenness you will relate to.
I suggest you read / watch "Conversations with God" it was a real eye opener for me. Jesus spoke to a "whore" so called at the well, he cleansed her, she spoke of he's goodness after that. God is never too busy and your issues are never too small for him. He says it in the bible cast your burdens onto him. Turning to God is not even a valid question, he is the only one who you can turn to. He is the beginning and the end and everything inbetween.
Turn to him now , turn to him today, just speak to him he will listen. I look forward to your reply once you have connected with god.
I have had a hard time trying to understand also why God would allow me to be sexually abused by my uncle. I grew up in a Baptist home, went to school and church in a Baptist church and had an uncle living with us that was abusing me. I have felt so many of the same feelings and have had all the same thoughts and questions as everyone else. I may never fully understand why these things happen but I can say this, I don't believe God wanted this to happen to me and he "allowed" it because of the "free will". I now have 3 kids of my own and if what I went thru throws up red flags for me to watch for with my own kids then thank you to God for helping me with the strength I needed to get thru everything I went thru so I am better equipped to protect my own kids and talk to them about abuse. So maybe instead of worring about all the "whys" lets all focus on the fact we survived, we are still here and there are kids out there that could use us as adults to be more observant of there surroundings and we need to give a shout out for these kids if something just don't quite seem right. Start reporting possible problems and abuse! Thanks everyone!!
Its hurts my soul to ask "where was God when I was 5?" Its hurts because I feel selfish. Where was God? Maybe he was protecting my sisters who were also abused. Everytime I ask "where was God?" I also ask, where was the God fearing person to help me? Where were my parents, neighbors, teachers, friends. Why were they not impressed upon to ask the hard questions or answer the gut feeling? Where were the adults when I was 5? When my sisters and I endured the trauma of sexual abuse from our older brother? Blame God if that's what helps you, or don't, but where were the people that were supposed to love and care for you? where were the people who were supposed to watch my abuser? Where were they? How skillful he was, how blind everyone else was...God? Blame God? Where was God? Where was God in people?
Why do we have to wait for heaven while others have blessings and good life both here and in heaven since they are saved? Isn't that unfair?
Psalm 34:18
" The Lord is near to the broken hearted,and saves the crushed in Spirit."
Jesus was a man of many sorrows.He was aquainted with grief.He lived a perfect life and that got Him crucified on a Roman cross.And He rose again victorious on the third day.He did this to restore a broken relationship between God and humans who were/ are in desperate need of Him.
Only He can bind up your wounds, only He can wipe away your tears.
He says" Come,all you thirsty,come to the waters, and you who have no money,come,buy and eat!Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost."
Isaiah 55:1
Again He says," Come to me,all you who are weary and burdened,and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls."
Matthew 11: 28 - 29
Im 51 now. I was abused,at age 12,13,14. sexually, and all of the other abuse that goes along with that. Im struggling now. Now that I am able to look back over my life, my kids grown but now all of them gone. I see clearly that I reap what I sewed. From my bad choices after getting out of my dads house. I rebelled, and ran from God for years. Back then, I would write Jesus letters begging him to kill me and remove me from that home. I loved God when I was little. And while that was happening to me then, I could not understand why God was allowing it. Now, I cannot escape this overwhelming deep lonliness. sadness. I have been single for 19 years now. Finished raising my kids alone. After two bad marriages.. I never knew how to make a good decision. Its almost as if my brain stopped when I was going through all of that. I wish I was dead most of the time. Because I long so much for a normal life. To be able to connect to someone. To have someone to love and for them to love me back. I have never known what being loved feels like. To have someone take care of me. I have had to do everything, working, raising kids, getting them through all of their bad choices. My kids have suffered because I was not prepared to raise kids. I did the best I could, Broke the chains of abuse, kids and I were all saved in 1994, my relationship with Jesus began again, and slowly all of the old me died away and the new me rose up. Now that Im older, I can see clearly that my life is different. Was God punishing me because of all of the bad choices I made? is this the reason why he never blessed me with a good husband? a home of my own? an easier life? My life is my fault because of my choices. I was affected by what was done to me as much as I was in denial for years and years. and now, left with this reality, and so lonely I cannot take it anymore. I don't want to be here anymore. I wish God would take me home now
Hi there!
IT SOO PAINS ME TO READ WHAT'S GIVEN HERE. I have been abused physically by family members but sexually unharmed and have had instances of being molested again, physically. But there has been times, I couldn't even get over that! I DON'T THINK ANYBODY CAN UNDERSTAND THIS - IF THEY HAVE NOT GONE THROUGH A SIMILAR EXPERIENCE !!! But I know this ONE THING --- GOD who made your bodies, knows how to RESTORE it! A manufacturer knows how to repair the broken parts of an object. Better yet, our Manufacturer knows how to MAKE IT BRAND NEW! "I will RENEW" IS THE WORD FOR YOU - IF YOU HAVE GONE THROUGH ANY ABUSE, ESPECIALLY SEXUAL ABUSE! (Mark my words - RESTORATION IS COMING, not in Heaven but RIGHT HERE ON EARTH!)
P.S: Let me tell you one thing -- if you are feeling Shame, guilt and "uncleanness", these are devil's thoughts! You are not unclean, the devil and the person who did that to you are UNCLEAN! Also, I would request you - PLEASE TAKE APPROPRIATE ACTIONS against the ones committing such a crime: whether legally or personally, you need to bring these things out! Our GOD is not just a compassionate, kind or sitting "far away" GOD. Our GOD is a Consuming Fire and has the power to bring destruction as well! If you think its only old testament, NO!!! It's new testament - remember Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 5!
The devil will LOVE to keep us in our past, and if he is successful, we CANNOT gain our future and Restoration that GOD has marked for us!
CLAIM THIS AND MOVE FORWARD!!!
Philippians 3:13-14
[13]No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead,
[14]I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.
Isaiah 61:7
[7]Instead of shame and dishonor, you will enjoy a double share of honor. You will possess a double portion of prosperity in your land,and everlasting joy will be yours.
Remember, WE ALONE (IN CHRIST) WILL HAVE THE FINAL WORD!
A must read!!!
https://66.media.tumblr.com/740682c8013783a144a0286abff579e5/07a2f5ed9c85c476-24/s1280x1920/c681393a579fd326df6adce68ebe91979dce8dfb.jpg
Post a Comment