Victory Over Sexual Abuse: Let me not forget you

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Let me not forget you

When marginally icky things happen, I can easily respond with an "Everything's gonna be alright" attitude. However, when it's more of a bitter blow, my natural response is to panic, get angry, bawl my eyes out or blow my top. And, when I get angry, I like to give the silent treatment. Those who most often receive the silent treatment are my husband, God, and occasionally my children. I need them to know that I am angry, and I need to be silent....lest I say anything aloud that I will later regret.

I heard something today that was very wise.

"When I turn away from God in a difficult circumstance, it only becomes more difficult. But when I turn back to God, my difficult circumstance becomes easier."

This is so true; but I've often got to be reminded of this the hard way. I am stubborn and I get angry...and in those moments I refuse to talk to Him or listen to Him as He speaks to me. In doing so, I drag out my misery.

My wise friend also said... "Life is not meant to be hard. It's only as hard as we make it."

We all experience difficulty, and some of us experience gut-wrenching tragedy; but how we choose to respond to it really does impact how hard it is.

I praise God that I know Him and that He is in the business of graciously rescuing and carrying His beloved children. My friend left me with one final encouragement - pray. Pray regularly and preemptively that "when I am faced with difficulty, I will not forget who you are."

I meant for this post to be a reminder to not forget God, but I believe it relates to our spouses and children too. While I am giving the silent treatment to them, I am shutting them out. They are God's gifts to me. My husband is my partner that I am meant to journey all of life with. When I am hurt or angry, I pray that I will not lose sight of who my husband and children are; and that we will live in a way that honors God's perfect design for those relationships.

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Online recovery study

I lead support groups and have decided to take the information from the support groups and "teach" it here too. I will blog each lesson, give you time to think about it, comment if you'd like, email me privately, whatever works for you. It is always helpful to hear from others who are going through the same thing, so in the interest of supporting and encouraging each other, please consider sharing your experiences in the comments. You may do so anonymously if you'd like.

The workbook we are using is Shelter From The Storm by Cynthia Kubetin-Littlefield and James Mallory.

**Much of the content in the lesson postings is derived from, and even directly quoted at times, Shelter From The Storm. My personal comments are mine, but the process laid out here is from the book. I am merely a fellow survivor and lesson facilitator - NOT the author or creator.**

Why this blog?

I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. The daughter of an absent father who was brutally addicted to drugs and alcohol. The daughter of a woman suffering from diagnosed but untreated mental illnesses.

The "signs" of abuse and neglect started showing around age 8, but even I didn't recognize them until I was in my later 20's. I was very lonely, ashamed and embarrassed. I didn't know how to be in relationships and thought I was destined to be all alone, rejected and unloved. I tried desperately to "earn" people's love and acceptance, but pushed them away at the same time... For so long, so many people brushed aside what I'd been through, wishing I was lower maintenance and not who I really was - someone who'd been neglected and abused by her parents, a person who was completely changed by another person's failures and sin, someone who needed to be rebuilt, not cast aside or taken advantage of because she was broken.

I began to heal when I was finally loved unconditionally - first by my husband, then our firstborn child, then the Lord. My life was turned upside down - in a wonderful way - when I discovered that I am not the "orphan" I had felt like for so very long. I have a heavenly father!

I also discovered that what man means for evil, God will use to glorify him. What devastated me for many years is now something I draw on to help others as I lead support groups, talk to groups, and blog about the realities of sexual abuse and the hope there is for a complete recovery. I consider it a tremendous privilege to be able to share my experiences with you; hopefully encouraging you on your road to recovery. If you are not a survivor of sexual abuse, I invite you to stick around and read on. It is my hope and prayer that through this blog, you will learn more about how you can support a survivor in your life. Thank you for visiting.